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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I'm Tired of Black Men Insulting Black Women!


Seriously...what is the point of humiliating women that look just like your mother, sisters, aunts, cousins, et al?

Why come to websites and say derogatory statEments about issues that number one: YOU created or participated in? And two: Do you even think about how you look to your own people, much less to society?

The numbers on Black men right now are dismal: Only 47% of young Black males are graduating from high school. In recent reports, it was indicated that young Black males do no better than young poor white boys with, get this, white boys with a learning disability. Once upon a time, it was a positive health disparity: Black folks just didn't commit suicide, but today, Black males are committing suicide at rates that are alarming. From 1980 to 1995, the suicide rate for black adolescents rose from 5.6 per 100,000 of the population to 13 per 100,000, according to recent research by Clare Xanthos, a health services research specialist. For young black men, these changes represent a doubling of the suicide rate, making it the third leading cause of death among that demographic.

If the trend continues, it could ripple through black communities, increasing the number of children who grow up fatherless, further burdening African-American women who will have fewer partners to help them raise families. Clearly, it is a complex problem that is directly related to the life experiences of young African-American men. While the suicide rate for young black men has risen, the suicide rate for black women remains among the lowest of any demographic.

Crime, still is a major issue amongst young Black males as well. 1 out of 8 young Black males in their 20's are in jail or have been through the prison system.

What legacy have Black males passed on to their sons, grandsons, great grandsons from long ago?  The sins of the fathers?

People seem to forget the issues that impacted the African American community from 1965 to 1995. An entire generation of Black males was lost. These years also saw the death of many of our Civil Rights leaders, communities devastated by riots, poverty and crime. Drugs began to infiltrate communities--heroin, cocaine and crack literally destroyed lives. The crack babies have now become men and are wreaking havoc on society.

Yet, Black males want to come to websites and insult Black women.

I took the liberty of finding an old article from Ebony Magazine from August of 1983. The cover of the magazine appropriately was entitled: The Crisios of The Black Male:

Read through it...the paralells are eerie of current times...

What's changed? What's stayed the same?

It's time for Black men to look in the mirror and truly do some serious introspection.

Excerpts from my book: A Journey Into The Mind of a Black Woman
Chapter 16

So many young Black children watch images every single day that tell them that they are not valued by this society. Many internalize those images. The image of white women typically is that she is the standard of beauty. Not having balanced images, particularly in the home and community, validate this presumption created through the false and bigoted lens of White America.

The image of a Black man with a white woman in particular, is only reinforcing an acceptance of White Supremacy to many Black people and is why there is so much hostility at Black white unions.

How can I or any intelligent Black person validate anything that was birthed from dysfunction?

It’s ludicrous.

Some have felt that there has been a conspiracy against the Black family since the days of slavery. On those plantations, slaves weren’t permitted to marry, but they could have sex—in order to create babies which could be sold. When the transportation of slavery was outlawed, this became serendipitous for slave owners. However, it appears that the psychological damage done to Black people on thoseplantations continues in the behavior and attitudes of some Black people toward each other.

In order to understand something, it sometimes is necessary to understand the root of the condition.

How can you see yourself in the eyes of your enemy? Interracial unions are nothing new, but as relates to the history of America, the attraction is not based on love, but one of curiosity brought on through the proximity of slavery. In those times, the white man lusted for the Black woman, and because of his power over her body, being a slave, he could have sex with her at his will. However, the white woman was off limits to the Black male slave. It was dangerous for any Black man to even think of touching a white woman. The contrasts of how Black women and white women were viewed is very telling: The Black woman wore rags. Her hair wasn’t combed. She had no make-up or other things to make her look feminine and beautiful. On the contrary, the white woman wore beautiful gowns.


She was made up and her hair was done up in a regal coiffure. The Black male slave could see how well kept the white woman was; secretly, some Black males slaves may have desired her. Thus, the Great Myth, perpetrated by white males, of the White Woman being the most desired woman was born.

The images and editorials of the times esteemed white women. Black women were debased, so from the start; the true difference in how Black woman and white women were viewed, basically related to marketing. Add to this the reiteration of imagery through time, the myth is perpetuated in the psyches of those who are the oppressed group. They too begin to believe the white man's lie.

Black men were lynched for even just looking at a white woman. No punishment came to men who violated the Black woman. In a nutshell, one woman was valued the other was easily discarded.

But, as Black people began to advance and take more control of their image, Black Beauty was recognized and embraced.

Ebony Magazine, Jet, Essence, to name a few, showed the beauty, talent and achievements of Black men and woman and many thought this would right the wrongs of the past, but true to the light; we are still a bruised people psychologically, and some of us began to embrace the attitudes of our enemy.

Why did Black men begin to desire white women in the last 30 years?

Today, interracial couples are increasing every single year. Some say this is progress but Black woman aren't echoing this sentiment. They see white women as "trouble" and because of her, many Black men have been brought to ruin. Just look at current headlines of late.

Many powerful Black men, particularly entertainers and athletes seem to be targeted by white women. Why? Some Black women have said that these women have been raised well by sophisticated and racist fathers who educated them well on how to seduce the minds of the weak. They know that when it comes to wealthy Black men, and those who have advanced; they have an advantage as relates to the well known fetish of Black men of desiring less Negro looking women or a blond over an average Black woman. Basically, they know that a fool and his money will always part.


The seduction begins from the moment a Black man knows that his money allows him options. And their behavior exposes the deeper truth of just how well many have bought into White Supremacy. And the greatest lie: That Black men really do fall in love with white women. I've never met one in my life who even would state this. What I have encountered are Black men, when asked why they chose a white woman; they preface their statement with a cause--not true love as to their union. A Black woman hurt them. Black women are too bossy. Black women aren't supportive, et al.--we are the center of their choice. It's as if they are saying subconsciously that "the only reason I'm with a white woman is because the Black woman I wanted wouldn't act right."

Given the high divorce rate of interracial couples, I think it's a fair assumption that many Black men get involved with white women for various reasons, but true love is not always one of them. The majority of Black men marry Black women and I do feel that after what happened to Tiger Woods, Black men in general are beginning to see how this is being perceived in a negative light by the entire Black community.

As Louis Farrakhan asked: Is it love or is it lust that drew these couples together?

I must admit, that I’ve purposely chosen not to appear too radical in this book, knowing full well that this book must be marketed and sold by a predominantly white publishing community and to those white folks who like to venture in Black culture, per usual, will want to know what I mean if I say this or that.

Well…if you walk into a private conversation and hear something you’re not supposed to; it’s not the responsibility of those talking to each other to excuse themselves because you’re where you’ve not been invited.

Blame it on being a nationalist.

I stand for that which I love. Anyone who says one thing but lives an opposite reality is deluded.

Therefore I ask: What makes the Black man golden? And it ain’t what he’s got.


Sistahs desire the Black man because he is the image of their creator. He holds the strength that is needed to sustain them. He looks like a man is supposed to. He’s sexy without being overtly sexual. His conversation has real flow. He’s deep without being too cerebral. Loving a Black man is just natural for most Black women, so…they don’t like it nor will they tolerate any white woman being in the spot that is reserved for a Black woman.

Through the wombs of Black women, Black men are born. And we are thus, one flesh.

Where is the history of white men or women sustaining the Black community through its trials and tribulations? Where are their contributions? What sacrifices have they made? How many died for us? Give me names.

How dare anyone dare insinuate their presence into my community without accountability!

This is not about hating white people—it’s about loving ourselves more.

The objective for this book is to bring Black men and women together and I don’t give a damn who gets offended. I’m offended ever y day at the insistence of the media that there is something wrong with Black love, so you don’t see it—anywhere these days.

We’ve disappeared, according to the Nielsen ratings and the only route for us is to marry non Black s, creating less Negro looking children that are considered more attractive and acceptable to the mainstream.

Yes! I said it.

Where is this coming from?

Our insecurities have become exposed and we’re getting played.

Get a copy of my new book.  Available on and other online stores (also on Kindle)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There is a lot of truth in this post. Being a young black woman myself, I appreciate knowing there are other black women out there speaking up about this issue. It's real.