3 Stories to Learn From and Grow By...

Gather around everybody.

For some time, I've been thinking about a lot of things: people that have passed away...and the people I used to know, seem to consume my thoughts.

Many people take life for granted and never really stop to take in what they are experiencing.

I've met people from around the world and at last count; at least 48 states. That's a lot of people...with various backgrounds, life experiences and knowledge. What have I learned from them? So much.

Everywhere I go, people will engage me in conversation--I don't have to try and muster up discussions, they just seem to evolve. I often tell some of my friends, associates and family that they wouldn't believe what some folks have told me. I started thinking about a lot of the stories I've been told and began editing my brain and pick the ones that really struck me the most. On that note, I'd like to share these three stories:

Tabatha: Tabatha is a former coworker that I knew about 8 years ago. She lives in Chicago--grew up on the West Side. Anyone that lived or grew up in Chi can tell you that the West Side is not a great place to be--the violence is off the chain. Tabatha often would tell me the most intriguing stories about life in her neighborhood and in her family. During lunch one day I along with her and some other coworkers got into a discussion about death. Tabatha told us about her two older brothers, both of whom had died 8 months apart. The first brother died suddenly--she was 17. Tabatha told us that after the funeral...some months later, she was just laying down in her room. All of a sudden, she felt the bed compressed. She was facing the wall--and turned over to see who it was. Tabatha said that her late brother, was sitting on the edge of her bed, just looking at her. She began screaming uncontrollably and ran out of the room. It took her family over an hour to calm her down. For those who've always wondered...we really do survive death.

Monica: Ms. Monica Y. Our class "It Girl." She got voted for (((EVERYTHING))). Monica and I have known each other since third grade, but we were never friends. Junior High, High School, we would chat, but it was always banal--not like true girlfriends. Monica was too busy being the popular girl. Her head swelled from that. I and some other people got turned off and basically we made the decision that Ms. Monica was a little too special for us. Graduation came...and well, afterwards, everyone went their separate ways. Monica went off to college, only to drop out after she met a young, smooth talking cat named Clifford. He gave her diamonds, bought her a car...and gave the impression that he could fulfill all of her needs. She bought into the bling. They got married--a wedding fit for a princess. Her prince became a monster and would beat her. But she stayed, because of the "things" he'd bring her. Then...we found out: Clifford was a drug kingpin. Her family got involved. The government got hot on Clifford's tail and made their move. When he was arrested, Monica's mother lost her job at a very large pharmaceutical company--her father was indicted, a real estate agent and a lawyer, all part of the drug ring. Long story short, Clifford cut a deal with the government and got five years--only because he brought other folks down with him. Many people's lives were ruined. Monica was damn lucky she didn't do time. I guessed he really loved her, part of the deal was that she wouldn't be touched. Monica ended up raising two boys alone, and on Welfare. She's OK now...that was a long time ago, but sometimes it's not always a great thing, being the "It Girl" especially when smooth talking dudes entice a naive girl into thinking that easy money doesn't have a price.

James: Another classmate. Since third grade. James was always a cut up. But there was something else he was known for: his temper. Saw him hit a guy so hard in the chest--you could actually feel it. That was 5th grade. We went on to high school. James began dating a girl named Lauanna. She was a cute girl--had a great body. James was aggressive and he began to beat her. One of my friends saw him beating her in the hallway during a bathroom break. He was literally smashing her head against the wall. No one came to intervene. That was 10th grade. 7 years ago, after conversing with an old classmate, she told me that James had been beaten badly--so badly, he was in a coma. I asked her what happened, and she told me that he had hit his...then girlfriend. Her brothers and other family members confronted him. They beat him unconscious--he was put on life support. After some time, he came out of the coma and he healed slowly physically, but never mentally or spiritually. I found out through some reunions on Facebook that James had died from a drug overdose in 2006. I thought about Lauanna. Karma really is a B*tch.

You can take what you want from these stories...but just understand, that everything happens for a reason...and everyone has a story to tell.

Thanks for listening...

Once Upon A Time When I Gave A Damn...



The one advantage to getting older and wiser is that you begin to see how much time you wasted worrying about what people think. I used to care, but now, I'll tell you my opinion and really not give a damn if you disagree with me. It's my right to think as I choose. My batting average is pretty high: I have above average common sense, God-given wisdom and I know that I was raised well. My values are superb compared to many of my contemporaries and thus; my thoughts have value because I live what I speak.

The world is screwed up mainly because so many people worry about what others think. Many live in fear, stay in relationships they hate, have friendships and associations with people they truly despise and stay in jobs that don't fulfill them, simply...because they are worried about how so and so is going to respond.

Who gives a flip!

I own everything I do. I am the CEO of my life and I will always maintain veto power. What someone else thinks means nothing. You know why? One can suggest something. One can tell me what to do, but ultimately; I am the one that must live with the consequences of my choices. Thus, do what you like--and THINK about what you do before you do it.

I mind my business. Honestly, I just don't have the time to worry about what other people are doing.

Live your life and stop wasting time being hindered by those who don't have the courage to live their own lives without apology.

Honestly, I'm Really FED UP With White Folks!

This month, I had decided to take a break from racial issues, but, last Friday, I got preoccupied in a board debate regarding the young girls in Maryland who beat up the transgender white man/woman. Added to this, everyday I turn on the news, Donald Trump is still pushing the birther issue. It has already been proven that Obama was born in Hawaii, but that is not enough for the most radical elements within the Republican party; some are making accusations that Obama doesn't want to show his birth certificate because he is really a Muslim and it states this on his birth certificate. CNN just did an investigation and reported yesterday that they not only located Obama's birth certificate--they verified the information and also added an addendum of even showing an old birth announcement that clearly indicates his birth on the date of delivery. Would you know, that people are now saying that Obama's family had this information faked because "they knew he would run for president."  Almost 50 years to him actually running. Huh? I just sat there along with some co-workers and we just all agreed that these people are just racist and logically, because of their pathological arrogance, some just can't be reasoned with.

Some white folks actually have accused Obama of being racist.

This is actually helping Obama. Because clearly...there are some crazy people in the Republican party.

After that report, CNN had segments of angry white folks shouting down members of Congress during state town hall meetings.

I asked my co-workers, when are Black people going to start getting angry? WHEN???? Blacks have the highest level of unemployment. Poverty is still a problem in many urban areas, as well as rural counties. Black males are dropping out of high school at extremely high rates and teenage pregnancy accounts for half of all births now in the Black community.

When will Black people begin to vocalize their anger and frustration at the Obama administration? A better question would be: Do White People Really Understand How Irritating They Are To People Who Are Not White????

Don't even get me started about the absence of Blacks being nominated for the Oscars. And even American Idol is getting whiter. You rarely even see Black people on television anymore.

What is going on in this country?

As a Black woman, I have to literally pray in order to get some divine assistance and strength in order to not go off on white folks. Living in Georgia has not only made me realize just how racist white people are innately. Many southern whites are intellectually dishonest and really don't think anything is wrong in celebrating the Civil War--waving rebel flags on their pick-up trucks, homes and t-shirts. Some will even smile at you and have the audacity to tell you, "God bless your heart..." What does that mean? I watch in silence. I shake my head. And my smile is a lie. Deep down, I'm plotting to hurt these people if they continue in their ignorance. Black people subconsciously assist them through their acquiescence, and allow them to keep oppressing them subliminally down here.

Interracial coupling is not the cure-all for racism. And being in an IR union is not an indicator that your partner is not racist.

Quite frankly, one couldn't pay me enough money to date or marry a white man. I love Black men and think they are the sexiest men on earth. Black people should honor each other more in my opinion. And there is no better way to do that than to marry someone that reminds you of yourself.

Basically, I really don't know how long my reserve is going to last, but I'm telling you, when you keep goading a fight with someone, one day; it's gon' come.

Get a copy of my new book.  Available on Amazon.com and other online stores (also on Kindle)

Thug Life: Young Black Males At Their Worst!

Although I loved the late Tupac Shakur as an artist; the movement he endorsed has become a way of life for too many....

The walk...the look...the glare...the attitude. A symbol of defiance, arrogance, undisciplined and unapologetic. This is the image of the young Black male.  Because of this image, I am ashamed to admit just how many young Black males could have lost their lives if they would have dared approach me wrong.

Although I loved Tupac as an artist, his slogan, Thug Life has become a pariah to the casual observer. Every single day...I see some of the worst sites one can see when just viewing people out in public.

Can someone please tell me when...WHEN? when will young Black women wake up and stop fooling around with young men and even grown ass old men who support this type of lifestyle and image?

I am a grown woman and I can remember my twenties very well...and never...absolutely NEVA!!! would I be caught walking with a dude that had his pants hanging off of his @ss--no shirt or a wife beater--if that...and corn rows. To each his own, yes. But the choice of a mate reflects one's character and there is nothing about men who represent criminality, lack of values and upbringing as well as general self-respect. There is nothing of value in the streets and I despise men who have the attitude that all it takes is muscles, tattoos and a big dyck. No. Character, values, hard work ethic,trust, honor, respect is what a man of distinction and importance knows makes him a man.

The proverbial, well dressed Black man is what I remember seeing growing up. These bruthas were GQ down and were very conscientious of their dress, manner, and most definitely how they looked to young women.

Perhaps the lack of male role models in the family is one reason and in my opinion, it takes a man to MAKE A MAN.

But most important, women--young women in particular, set the barometer of social trends of young males. And if a woman does not value herself; she will most certainly attract men that don't value her as well.

Celebrities Are Becoming Passe...



Ain't it the truth...Andy Warhol predicted this over 30 years ago.

There was a time when America loved celebrities...they had such cache' and panache. They were the symbols of what we dreamed and desired. Their talent made us pay attention, but today, celebrities can by your next door neighbor--outed on Youtube for cleaning the house in his/her underwear. Reality shows have literally forced great soap operas to be cancelled. Everyone wants to be a a clown. And real talent these days... puuuhhhlllleeeaaassseee.

The atomic question: WHY IN THE HELL ARE KIM KARDASHIAN, PARIS HILTON AND EVEN JENNIFER LOPEZ (Arrgg...RISING FROM OBSCURITY thanks to AI ) EVEN FAMOUS?!?! Not one of them has any talent--just infamy. Paris' hustle : Her pathological narcissism. Kim's hustle : Her big ass(for a white chick). Jennifer's hustle : Can't sing...can dance a little, but her too...that ass(for a Latina). As they age, do you think it's going to matter? Not really. Honestly. They need a reality check. But P.T. Barnum said it best: " There's a sucker born every minute ." So tell me...how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?

[Sarcasm]

Help us, Lord...

I used to buy a lot of music, but I swear, I can count on both hands just how many cd's I've actually purchased in 5 years.

Two words: Justin Bieber. Why is this boy famous? I don't get it...and don't want to. Usher saw something I guess when he discovered him, but for the casual realist like myself, I have to say that Mr. Usher is a pimp, and is GETTING PAID off of this white kid.  Reality bites.  And as I see it: Justin Bieber is a mediocre fluke who is only famous because: White fathers would rather their precious little white daughters screaming for him than Little Wayne.

That's the point.

The Black musicians of yesteryear came from a legacy of "paying dues". Many of them came up performing in live clubs before getting in the studio. They learned all the ropes about performing before touring. Older Black entertainers always helped the next generation excel to the next level--it was our culture. But during the late nineties; something happened in music. Many record companies started eliminating their Black music divisions and the mediocre talent that you see today is a result of lack of artistic development.

Ask Rhianna, Ciara, Kelly Rowland(an exception...but), none of them know how to keep an audience interested. Rhianna has had to cancel numerous tour dates due to poor ticket sales. Now when folks don't want to hear you live--that is the ultimate insult. People got tired in the late nineties paying $19-$20 dollars for bad Cd's. Enters Napster...and changes the game completely. The record industry got caught sleeping and it hasn't been the same since.

Something has got to change, or the record industry is going to go the route of Enron, World Com and other businesses that forgot that "quality" matters to the consumer.


It was good while it lasted. Saw some great moments in the movies, television and in music growing up, but all good things have to come to an end and I feel that the age of the celebrity is now a thing of the past.

Never Once Have I Ever Regretted Being Born A Black Woman...



When God was planning my arrival, he could have made me anything. I could have been born in Portugal, Indonesia, Romania, Japan, Brazil, et al, but he chose me to be born in Augusta Georgia, at precisely 10:20 a.m. on July 8th, 19___.  Ha. My business, but the point is...not once in my life have I ever looked in the mirror and wished to be someone else. I love my skin, my eyes, my nose, my hair and most importantly; I feel blessed being a Black woman. I feel like I hit 777 in the lottery. The dice keeps rolling 7's. I keep pulling Aces from the deck. I am a symbol of beauty that can't be duplicated. I'm in a royal class. Their is joy in my spirit for I know that I was born of love...and I've always felt special.

Whether or not anyone accepts me for me, I really don't care. The most important validation of my existence is self-acceptance. And Lord, I thank you for giving me the gift and honor of being a Black woman. Everyday I walk outside my home; I'm representing former queens, intelligent mothers, proud grandmothers and gifted women who birthed every Black woman there is. My head is held high. My walk is straight and I look forward as each step is precisioned toward my destination.

It is not what I am that matters, but what it means to be that. Being a Black woman means that we are born to be first. Africa birthed the first queens. That regality is deep within me. My spirit soars and I don't need a throne. Folks see me and automatically are motivated to bestow respect fit for one who was born to be exalted.

I AM A BLACK WOMAN. Proud and free.

Thank you, Lord.

I love who I am and every single day...I fly with my feet firm on the ground, but soar each time I spread my wings like an eagle and glide with a firm wind above the clouds.

[Orchestra begins...]

Ahhhhhhhh..........Yeah! I always feel like I am the Greatest even when the world tries to tell me I'm not.

I WIN!



The Truth Shall Set You Free...



Jesus said it...and I'm a living witness to that.

When I was in my early twenties, I came to a cross-road in my life. Honestly, I really didn't know what direction I was supposed to take. It caused me great inner turmoil and for the first time in my life; I really was confused and it scared me. One morning, I woke up...and I literally cried out to God and asked him to "SHOW ME WHO I AM." Some of you have probably heard folks say: Be careful what you ask for. Well...literally, for a seven year period, I had to face every single fear that I had--out in the open. Folks saw the real me. And it wasn't pretty sometimes. This experience not only made me take a look at myself; it forced me to GET REAL and take it like a woman. If you can't be real with yourself, you can't be real with anyone. I didn't understand what I was going through nor why, but deep down; God had a plan and I'd just have to trust that. Over time, I began to mature. I also developed a fearlessness that I had never known. By confronting my demons, I began to discover a lot of the anger I had contained was released and life began to look more promising. I still didn't know where I was going, but I had to trust that inner voice. This became my adventure. A Quest if you will...it was my Odyssey. There was something shaping and molding me and I'd have to face my obstacles if I were to evolve.

A preacher once said that in order to advance we must face adversity.

I now know what it means to value friendships, family, community, faith, being authentic, and above all...being TRUTHFUL. I was in search of the truth. And the only way I could find it, I had to look inside for the truth in me.

Today, I look back on those years and all of the lessons I've since learned, have made sense of my experiences.

You see, one of the major reasons why people have so much dysfunction in their lives is related to them not facing the fear inside of them. Every decision they make from that point is based from fear; not wisdom, or clarity, integrity, etc. Fear distorts the truth. The truth is what we all have to face if we are to have a good life.

I faced my truth. The chains that bound me broke. And I was set me free.

Have you faced your truth?

Damnit! I'm Tired of Weak African Americans!

The one thing I was taught as a child is: It's not what you put into life--IT'S WHAT YOU TAKE.

If you want respect...STAND UP and carry yourself like you deserve it. You teach people how to treat you.

I'm so...so...tired of the weakness that I hear and see in Black America. What happened to the strong voices of the past? Yes, many old warriors have passed away, but where are the new generals to take their place?

No one wants to lead. Everyone is a follower. People don't take initiative to create new platforms--they keep rehashing old, washed out ideals that have long expired.

Be bold!

I learned from the strong. The people in my community set the example of what true leadership is and the importance of empowerment.

The Black community in certain areas is weak because of the lack of courage of those in those communities to take initiative and make their voices heard.

White folks have no real power over us any longer. The problem with some Black people is that many traded in their values and began to become enamored with the standards of a culture that quite frankly; has no sign or redemption, humility, compassion, spirituality and on certain levels, basic humanity, for its fellow human beings. Black people have been contaminated by too close association with a race of people that does not and cannot value anything beyond its innate and pathological narcissism and arrogance.

Once upon a time, not so long ago...I actually heard a white man tell a Black man that white folks may fight over various things, but Black people fight each other.

Uh...ya think they don't notice how we work against each other? Divide and Conquer is a game that the white man has mastered and we keep getting played.

The Tea Party is a good example of this. White men destroyed the economy. Let's be real about it. But strangely, Black people have the highest unemployment. And yet, white folks convinced our newly elected, and first Black President, that they...and THEY ALONE were being hurt the most. And they did something about it. They voted and got people in the White House now who are selling their pain to the powers that be.

Black folks chose not to vote. Many of those elections last November could have been to the favor of Democrats, but a lot of us just shrugged our shoulders and stayed at home.

What Happened To Black Power? Ambivalence costs a hell of a lot. And yet, Black folks are the ones who need the cash the most. White folks pick pocketed us again.

I don't blame white folks for Black failure. If Blacks fail today, it's because far too many have not dedicated themselves to building up their own families, communities and gaining political power.

Enough is enough.

Get off your texting, Twittering asses and DO SOMETHING about your issues.

Why Don't White Women Desire White Men?



Today, I'm officially putting the IR issue to rest. Because truthfully, it's not about Black men or Black women. It's not.

40 years ago, whites were calling Black people N*gger! Coons. Apes. Baboons. Monkeys, et al. Their depictions and reactions to our people were absolutely incendiary, now; you see many shows on television depicting a Black man with a white woman as a love interest or a white male involved with a Black woman. That was unheard of even when I was a kid. But today, it's being reported that America has become more "tolerant" in regards to interracial unions. Tolerance does not mean acceptance, it simply is an indicator that many folks have perhaps experimented with someone of another race sexually and thus; the barometer is not quite so hot on this issue.

Nonetheless; Black people need to examine their behavior toward each other. When it was illegal to be involved with whites; our families were in tact. Black communities were stronger and we had more pride and cooperation with one another. Today, Black people are so disconnected today; it has become convenient for our enemy to exploit our internal divisions and conflicts to further their agenda of hatred. But how can you be a White Supremacist if you willingly lay up with someone you consider to be your inferior?

And why would any self-respecting Black person want to lay up with a symbol of hatred and divide to their people?

White men and women have all of a sudden become enamored with Black people. They now see us as " desirable, sexy, attractive ", etc. But so what. We've always said that we were beautiful, but the reason for their attraction to us is suspect. Why now? What is really the issue with White men and white women? Every time you turn on the news these days, another white man has gone berserk and either killed his white girlfriend and hid the body, or...killed his entire family, and then himself.

Malcolm X once stated that when it wasn't until he go locked up that he began to realize that his attraction to white women was based on what society had put in his head: the white woman was marketed as the "ideal woman." She was the epitome of what was considered beautiful. His epiphany made him understand just how brainwashed the Black man was, prompting him to look deeper at white culture and coming to the conclusion that his attraction to white women came from a sick place within him, furthering his assessment in stating bluntly: that white people were depraved , thus, so was he.

Sometimes, in order to get to the right answer, you have to ask the right question. And the question I ask: Why Don't White Women Desire White Men ?

Real Beauty...Comes From LOVING YOU...and Keepin' it Real!



Women spend so much money on cosmetics these days. Next to that, it would be on hair care, including hair extensions. But honestly, when I look at what makes a woman really beautiful; it's those women who know who they are...and walk in their true Essence. What is Essence? It literally means: the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features. Real. Just BEING REAL.

Men will tell you...they can't stand a fake woman. Your beauty may attract him, but it's YOUR ESSENCE that keeps him interested.

When I was a 20-something; all I cared about was clothes, jewelry, hair and make-up, but as I got older; shopping sprees, a closet filled with clothes and shoes, and gold chains, were not enough to complete me. So...I started to really do some soul searching and I began to like myself more because I concentrated less on superficiality and more on just understanding who I was and what my purpose is on this earth. Yes, I still like to look good, but it doesn't define me as a woman.

I grew up...stopped living in fakedom, and allowed God to help me become a better person and to develop understanding and relevance to the true purpose for my life.

My evolution is the truest compliment to my creator.

Being real. Loving you. Why is that so hard for some women?