A Letter To Single Black Mothers...



February 24, 2011
10:53 a.m.


Greetings Sistahs,

Today I'd like to speak to those of you who find yourselves in the lens of societies hypocrites.

People judge you, but don't offer solutions. They point fingers, but never lend a helping hand. You are the reason for their inability to focus more exclusively on what is happening in Cosmopolitan magazine and why they can't enjoy their dinner at expensive steak houses. Yes, it's the single Black mother that is ruining their appetite and polluting America's false image of equality. You are not people who have minds, hearts or hurts; you're a blemish and in need of sterilization.

The war against the Black female has begun. Statistics are shot out like nuclear war missiles onto the unsuspecting psyches of the masses too consumed with the economy, but still eager for something to take their minds on the fact that they can't afford to drive their Hummers any longer. "It is Black women that must be held accountable. "Just look at all the babies they have--where are the fathers? Why aren't they getting married? Why are so many of them single?"

Yes, this little dance we have been doing has become tiresome and the music is way too old now.

My sisters, many of you are single because you were widowed. Some, suffered abuse, others were abandoned. Yes, there are some who have been irresponsible, but the last time I checked, it is not the fault of single Black mothers as to why the economy tanked. Black women aren't killing their children. Just two weeks ago, another white woman was arrested for shooting both of her children in the head, simply because they were a little sassy. What mother hasn't experienced that? Has anyone found out yet who killed little Cayley Anthony? Her mother is the prime suspect and has been locked up since 2008. And what about Andrea Yates in 2001, who drowned her 5 children in the bathtub. And who can forget Susan Smith in 1995 for murdering her two sons? And will we ever know who killed little Jon Benet Ramsey? Yet, it's single Black women that keep getting negative press. How convenient for society. Take away the blame from white women and make Black women the scapegoats, right? White women who kill their children...time and time again, are more valued, as opposed to the single Black women who raise children, no matter what the odds; and see them grow up to be doctors, lawyers, business owners, law enforcement officers, congressman, teachers, athletes, actors/actresses et al. Yet, the single Black woman is the scourge?

What truly rocks my spirit is the incendiary reality of a white woman, Angela Suleman deciding to have 8 babies through invetro-fertilization, while already raising 6 children as a single parent. And living with her mother and father. Yet, the media eats it up, gives her a house, a Reality show, magazine interviews, yet, the single Black mother is the problem? Let u s not forget the white celebrity single mothers, such as Sheryl Crow, Rosie O'Donnel, and the ultimate white Babymama/Babydaddy couple of the decade, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. And the show on MTV, 16 and pregnant highlighting white girls who willfully it seems who decide to become babymamas as a means of popularity. And Lawd, how can I forget the white girls at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts, first reported in Time magazine in 2008. I couldn't tell if they were condemning the issue or enabling the reality that yes, white girls are babymamas too. But Oh! The single Black mother must be held accountable.

I protest! And yes, if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm calling people out on their hypocrisy and giving notice to the white media, that it is not wise to cross someone who has a long memory(ME) and will remind them without apology of their bias! I'm also confronting society and even Black males who seemed to have jumped on the bandwagon to express their disdain for single Black mothers.

As a proud African American woman, I'd like to say that I'm tired of this sh*t and I'll be damned if I don't speak against the double standard. It's just incredible at the display of selective rationale.

My sisters, I've got your back. I'm defending your honor.

You are strong women. And regardless of what you go through; you do value your children more than the dominant culture for sure.

A famous philosopher named Gurda once stated: "Never Allow The Opinions of others to become your reality..."

Keep the faith and Keep your head up. Don't settle and value yourselves more. God loves you too.

You're not the problem and righteous people know this...

Race Matters...Because It Shapes Everthing We Think About Ourselves...



No matter how much you are tired of this issue; race matters. It shapes everything we think, our perceptions about others, how we see ourselves; shapes our concepts and precepts about groups, no matter how much people like myself try to educate people--the color of our skin, what group we're born to, and our status as a group defines us collectively.

The dehuminizing affects that impact our pysches have been passed on through generations of behavior, attitudes, theology and society. The base thought of all dark-skinned Black people is that if you don't have white/light skin, good hair, meaning naturally straight; you're ugly. You're undesirable.

To this day, people believe this.

What is Black Pride? Is this an oxymoron?

How do people of African descent really look at themselves without the contamination of European religion, education, culture, theories and concepts, scientific belief systems going through their minds? How do you value yourself if you have never seen the greatness of your own people?

Whether you are from the West Indies, Pacific Islands, North Africa, West Africa you have adopted the views of your oppressor--and yes, I do mean the white media and institutions that shapes your views about people that look just like you.

Self-hatred is a B*tch!

What are you going to do about it?

I Love West Indian People...



All of my life, I've met people from the Caribbean and they have been such nice people. I really feel an affinity with them for some reason. They just seem to be some of the most friendly people and always have those beautiful smiles.


The mothers in the Caribbean definitely must teach their children manners. I can relate.

I'm from the south and honestly, I sometimes feel like they act like Southerners. It's eerie. Their mannerisms, values and general attitudes are so similar. Like southerners, in part, most of the West Indians I've encountered definitely seem to be very conservative.

It's funny how you meet someone and see yourself.

My family is planning our reunion for 2012 and I'm praying that we do another Caribbean cruise. If so, I'm already packed.

Now, I'm well aware of the cultural issues that can arise and African Americans at times have not always been hospitable to our brethren from the islands. Many West Indians have acknowledged this to me over the years--it's caused great hostility in certain parts of the country. What I've discovered is that many move to the northeastern parts of this country and are first introduced to African Americans. The people they encounter...in my opinion, are some of the most dysfunctional in this country. Therefore, a paradigm is set and people develop concepts about us that can last generations.

Southern folk and West Indians seem to get along much better and living in Georgia, I've seen influxes of West Indians moving down here as well as other parts of the south.

If there are West Indians here, they can verify this...but overall, I do appreciate the friendships I've made with people from the various islands and I do encourage other African Americans to look beyond people's cultures and see their humanity.

We are always treated with hospitality in the Caribbean for those who've visited the islands. That hospitality then should be reciprocated to our brethren who immigrate here or those we encounter in everyday life.

*****NOTE*****

If anyone is taking a trip to the Caribbean this year, make sure you support the local people on the island--not the cruise ships or resorts. This is a great help to the economy but most important; your dollars are getting to the people who need it the most.

Sorry...Halle Berry Is A Drama Queen!



Halle Berry is on the cover of the March issue of Ebony and in it, she gives an interview about her daughter. She states that she will not assert race on her daughter, yet, she contradicts herself by stating that to her, her daughter is Black--and she believes the one-drop rule. She also states that she doesn't want the Black community to think she's abandoned them because she had a child with a man outside of her race.

The custody battle she is currently engaged in prompted this responses after reports surfaced of her ex, Gabriel Aubry going beserk because his daughter was referred to as Black in an article. Halle has also accused Aubry of calling her a b*tch and the N-word. But my question is: Shouldn't she had been aware of the character of her man before she got pregnant? Playing the race card is not going to win her sympathy. She picked him.

Let's just be real, ok...Halle's dating/marriage fiascos are legend now. This is yet another saga in this woman's life. In a nutshell, she is attracted to men that are abusive--either physically or emotionally.

Back in the day, when it surfaced that it was Wesley Snipes who beat her so bad, she went deaf in one ear, people felt sorry for her, now...it's becoming very clear that Ms. Berry should seek spiritual and psychiatric help, if she has not already done so.

And then regarding the identity issue: Halle's mother raised her to identify with being Black--she was not educated about the Black experience. And her mother certainly couldn not set the example of how Black women are to be and how they should respond--thus, Halle Berry's connection to the Black community is cerebral--and not rooted by cultural values and experience. What in the world made her make the statement in Ebony regarding the Black community feeling abandoned because she got romantically involved with a white man is beyond understanding, however, it does make one examine this woman with sharper eyes. Does she really know who she is?

The Black community will not suffer because Ms. Berry can't keep yet another man--and is now already dating another man--also, not Black.

What Halle Berry is beginning to look like is the "Tragic Mullato". She's a confused woman and really needs to take a good look in the mirror. If one continually attracts monsters; then one needs to look at the monster within.

Family Matters...



When I first moved to Georgia in 2004, I thought that it would be a great change.  Boy...was I wrong.  When I got down here, my mother was going through some issues, cousins, aunts, uncles...and I thought very quickly that I had made a big mistake.  You're supposed to love your family, right?  Well...I wasn't feeling that.  Personal issues can imact people in psychological, spiritual and emotional ways.  Some of my family members seemed as though they couldn't show me much love nor to each other and the only thing that I could do was pray.  So I prayed...and prayed...and prayed.  A few years passed, things slowly started getting better.  The anger I was feeling was a little more stubborn, but even when I didn't feel like it, I still would pray.  The Bible says that there are times when we must pray without ceasing.

Adding to this, I really didn't find southerners very congenial.  I'm still in search of true southern hospitality...however, this is yet another issue I'm praying on.

Now, in 2011, I'm living in a different city in Georgia--still close by, but I can now reflect on my first experience in this state. 

The one thing that I've grown to appreciate is the vast amount of family that I have in this state.  Both of my parents are from Georgia.  So are both sets of my grandparents and great grandparents.  My roots are deep.  I'm part of a legacy. 

Back in September of 2010, I decided to join Facebook.  What a blessing that turned out to be.  I've not only been reunited with old classmates and friends, but connected with family members--and met new ones.  Also, when I moved to Georgia, I had started writing my first novel--an inspirational book dedicated to uplifting Black men.  I finished that book in August of 2010.  I have a goal to be published soon...and I will.

Sometimes, you got to put your best foot forward, have faith and move forward.

The sun is shining bright today and I can truly say that I am blessed. 

Family does matter and I'm glad that I didn't give up on mine.